Starting Over

Had a few inspirational thoughts on the plane

high above the skies, floating among the clouds with the world below with endless possibilities waiting for you. Finding those special people to stand by you and help you succeed, that you do not want to let go of. Only look back for a brief second then stop. Look forward now, the world below you with those endless possibilities with those special people to stand by you that have helped you along the way to get you where you are today; remember them always. But never look back for very long and then look forward.

I was bullied because I was different, but then I found the world and started traveling it – don’t judge the book until you’ve read it.

now I am thinking that I have always been alone, If I do go back to Edmonton – I have no one there. What is the point of living? I just want to cry myself into a hole. No man wants me, I am such a mess. I have no idea why I am crying!! It hurts that’s all I know, hurts so much as that is why I am crying. I know that letting the tears come out it will hopefully soon make it better – well I am hoping. Just let the pain out and then you will feel better, I am hoping. It hurts!! I do not want to seem weak but I do not know why I am crying, it just hurts – and crying is somewhat making it feel better. Please do not see me as weak.

The plane ride was alright, only got a drink no snack but I am not hungry . Fell asleep for the first half hour or hour of the flight, so that helped.  And skyped with Chris back in Edmonton before my flight, that really helped – I love when we Skype, it makes me feel a wee bit connected to him.

I have made it into San Francisco and I feel alone, so alone I want to cry. I felt alone back in Edmonton but this is a different feeling, so different that it had hurt. And it was not going away until I had that good cry to let the pain out. Its not like I haven’t traveled alone before because I have, But It was tough saying good bye to Work.  As that was the only good thing happening in my life, the love for my job. That’s the only thing that didn’t make me feel so alone back in Edmonton even though I was. Please do not see me as weak. I am just fighting through change; probably just all the change of moving across the world and the fact that I am doing all by myself and not meeting up with Contiki Holidays right away which I always do when I travel but not this time, I am spreading my wings from Contiki and its scary – starting my life over!

Well good news, I feel better. And will feel much better once I get a beer. ah Stella, that fixes the pain. sorry for my rant over my weakness. But it felt good to write it out, express my feelings and have that cry. That card from work, started the tears such sweet words from the managers that has helped me grow in achieving a career in hospitality. What a journey it has been!! I am starting to calm down and feel better. Sorry! weak moment.

But guess what made me happy, seeing the Golden Gate bridge – even though it was a little far in the distance, seeing downtown San Francisco and the Golden Gate bridge really lifted me up and felt a smile come on my face.

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